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After tonight I just can't be alone
I’m driving home beneath the stoplights
They’re holding me in suspense.
But that’s just the way it is I guess
For those of us who move too fast
And I wish that I could say
That I'm wishing you the best
But I can’t, but I can't.
So I’ll write it out on paper to remember every word
For all the things I’ve lost and found inside of every verse
These are my directions to you:
Please, head north.
Voices scream inside of me.
Well, “Maybe I’m just cursed.”
Just like they say, maybe I’m just cursed.
I’m always hoping for the best
Maybe I’m just cursed.
I’m always hoping for the best
Preparing for the worst
So please, head north.
Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong
I just can’t write another one of these summer songs
Oh please not another sad, sad song,
You’ll find me hanging on every word
It kills you to know that this world, it owes you nothing.
So just forget what you’re expecting
You’ll find half what you deserve.
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2. |
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You left the lights on tonight, I can barely fall asleep.
This past month has been a lot for me.
And how come like the leaves I fall for you
then get swept away?
I think I know why.
Because it sucks to be told your worthless
and frankly I don't agree.
You say i'm worthless? Well I say that your a stupid piece of shit.
And if you wanna dwell on the past thats fine but you can't re-live it.
I've met so many great people, and I would hate to see them go
but i'll be on the next train outbound I just thought that you should know.
I just thought you should know.
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Hold on to what little is left though it seems to try and let you go. Cave in, but don't blame yourself. I just need some time alone. It makes me sick to see your face and that's just a part of the mess that I'm in. I'm going insane. Tell the truth I know you fake it. In this state of mind I'll never make it. Nothing's going my way.
Even Though I'm down I know I'll be ok.
I'll make my way back and start again. I promise you that this isn't the end.
Draw me closer, draw me, into your life. I know it takes time to see if everything is alright. I'll tear down these walls that you built around me. I know It's my fault and I'm sorry.
What if i told you, "now more than ever I need to be myself?", but you keep stabbing me in the heart. You say that I'm an actor. Well I'm sick of playing this part.
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5. |
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6. |
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Do your ideals rust in the rain?
Do you feel our lives are oh so plain?
Genuine lies, an admission to doubt.
There's wisdom in knowing that we know nothing about ourselves.
And we crash and burn.
What's there to say if you can't say it?
And if I can't explain it, how do I expect you to change it?
I thought you could read my mind but I don't think you have the patience or the time to read the signs.
Every time I try to I can't breathe.
And when I write you it's cause I can't speak.
I don't say what I want cause I want what you're not and I'm falling asleep.
And when you go to Seattle in May I hope it rains up and down on your parade.
Just like you did on all my good days and I put this all on you but I got to
Trust myself that I won't drown in another shallow pool again like you
And maybe one day just one day feel what I think and think what I feel.
Every time I try to I can't breathe.
And when I write you it's cause I can't speak.
I don't say what I want cause I want what you're not and I'm falling asleep.
Every time I try to I can't breathe.
And when I write you it's cause I can't speak.
I don't say what I want cause I want what you're not and I'm falling asleep.
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7. |
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Today is just another chance to see how the indecision is killing me and I've got to break the chains the bind me. We're putting new ground beneath our feet, and I'll never stop reminding you that this is it this is how it has to be. Some things are just too big for me, to put down on a piece of paper, to let slip out from my fingers. And it's like a breathe of fresh air. Wanting what I know is better, knowing that it's now or never. I'm lost inside a day of growing pains. My body aches from these steps that I take, it never fails to keep my mind racing. And it's impossible for me, to ignore this freezing weather that waits for me outside. I can't get sleep, I'm 23 years deep in this mess and I'm , battling these fears that are always holding me back. I know these barriers, like all your words, are on failing structures. WIth the little luck we have, we will make the most of whats around us. We feel the pain of growing up, but I'm sure we will see tomorrow.
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8. |
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Your rocket crash landed on this bitter planet. Your mission of lying ends up with you crying. From the words that we both spoke, you're hands were wrapped around my throat, but I'd rather use this rope.
Too long we've spent on this lost cause and you are completely wrong if you think that I'm wasting another day on you. This time I'll get my revenge. If you think that this is the end sweetheart you've got another thing coming.
So I'll keep this to myself, a letter stashed up on my shelf, but I'd kill to tell you tasteless words that fell through us. Best friends tell me otherwise. They see through all your bullshit lies, but I'd believe you if you'd tell me that we're fine.
I'll finish this song with my bestfriends so please don't make amends. Three cheers for not missing you, I won't trust again.
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9. |
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Sitting here as the clouds fly by wondering why and where they go floating on a breeze like ships on the open seas with no direction or destination of travel except a compass and a nautical mile the frozen seas and frigid peaks the winds embrace against my face finding shelter amongst the trees while im moving from place to place the soles of my shoes are worn down from gravel from walking away day after day but im still not getting any closer to where i want to be. Atlas Hold me up so i can strike them down
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10. |
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I never learned to apologize
But it’s no worse then your apathetic lies
Your plan hasn’t been slowed down yet
But the worst is yet to come
Can’t you see this?
Can’t you feel this?
All falling away with every day that goes by
Why do the blind the lead the blind?
Of bad intentions, your eyes are tunnel visioned
If only you could see the world through my eyes
Only hearing the words that you want to hear
You can’t predict this coming
So silence the sea,
With your thoughts of me
But natures unpredictable
Much like me
Of me…
Silence…
You’ll never know…
Analyzing and Criticizing
The strongest of opinions hold the weakest of hearts
So I move my pawn and wait for hours
To finally hear you agree,
“Check Mate”
Of bad intentions, your eyes are tunnel visioned
If only you could see the world through my eyes
Only hearing the words that you want to hear
You can’t predict this coming
So silence the sea,
With your thoughts of me
But natures unpredictable
Much like me
I’m unpredicting, always changing
My intentions, just like you
You’ll never know, you see right through me
You’ll never know, I know more than you
Silence what you can’t keep quiet
You mean less and less to me
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11. |
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Apparently I'm nothing but a foolish boy with eyes.
That can see right though the fact that you are capable of lies.
Let's turn the page get one thing straight I'm fine (without you)
cause it's all the same.
So sing us a song (we all know)
and maybe it'll change your life.
I couldn't fake a smile and for a while
I was putting you in your place
But if only I didn't have to see your face.
Don't tell me I'm not the same any more
I pay the do's you said I could pay for.
But now you're running.
You're running right back to me.
So sing us a song (we all know)
and maybe it'll change your life.
It's not how it used to be.
I agree.
We're growing up but I'll stay young
Even if it kills me.
Whoa.
[repeat]
I couldn't fake a smile and for a while
I was putting you in your place.
But if only, if only I didin't have to see your face.
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12. |
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13. |
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What would you say if we lived every day like it were a holiday?
Well you say you're a realist well I really know what I want, just figuring out how to get there on the back of happy thoughts and giving what we've got to all the people who've helped us unlearn what we were taught about art, about love, about dreams, about work, just to fuel the system that is treating us like dirt. And through singing songs late every single night and screaming ALTERNATIVE UNDERGROUND ANGSTY ROCK WAS REALLY INFLUENTIAL IN MY UPBRINGING.
What would you say if we loved everyday like it were a holiday?
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16. |
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So I missed the last train to that old sleepy town
Where I had spent nine months just kicking around
This just leads me to believe I'll never make it back there
And these tricks that I'm playing on myself in my head
Should be ignored, though I play along instead
This just leads me to wonder if anyone can take me seriously
But sometimes the rearview mirror reflects a better picture
I couldn't go back there, it was an escape from what I didn't have
And now that I'm stuck here, I doubt I'll ever go back
I would suck the rivers dry
Just to taste the freedom of that place
So I missed the last bus back to my old hometown
Where we spent all those late nights just driving around
The city was ours, we painted every last sunset
Now our old friends are waiting for us to come back
But we're buried in Boston, we've left them alone
And I'm sorry for leaving, I thought I could paint this town red
I came here to find a purpose, but lately I just feel worthless
No place that I've found could hold a candle to NB
I wish I was downtown, cobblestones under my feet
I wish I was back there to see every face that gave me what I have
I'm tearing at my hair in fear of never coming back
On the overpass one night, Route 18 alight, cars speeding under our feet
We drank to the moonlight, I had never felt so free
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released August 12, 2011
